I love meditating in the full lotus position these days. It’s been a challenge trying it out initially but with consistent yoga practice and frequent attempts, it becomes easier and easier to sit for longer periods in it. I can only really do it with my left foot on top and the maximum I’ve been able to sit was about 40 minutes in a continuous session. After that the left foot falls completely asleep and the discomfort becomes too great.

Navigating Discomfort

I was meditating in that asana in a park today and it was going surprisingly well for most of the session. Then the discomfort started welling up. While it was mild I decided to see how long I could stay with it using the attitude of pure relaxation and non-resistance. As the pressure and uncomfortable sensations were increasing, I was balancing the attitude fairly successfully. It was a fine balance of mindfulness and relaxation, focus on maintaining the balanced state and acceptance of what is. My Vipassana retreat at the beginning of the year came in handy as it reminded me of the process there–just witness what is, no need to do anything else.

Eventually, my leg fell completely asleep and the sensation became quite intense. At the same time, I felt a bunch of insects crawling over my body and face, some parts started to itch. I started losing my balance quite quickly and my determination to last the full hour in the lotus position started waning. I had to straighten my legs after 40 minutes of meditating in the posture and then finish the session in half lotus.

The Paradox of Endurance Through Relaxation

What is it that endures a certain amount of discomfort but says “That’s enough!” at a certain level? I have seen this capacity grow with practice and time as well. In Vipassana, with cold showers, with sadhu boards. For me it is usually about the physical tests and challenges, I like growing through those. For me the insight points to overcoming the physical limitations as they are illusory in a certain perspective. When I can successfully relax into whatever is during meditation, I feel being of the pure spirit. It is that which I strive towards. But it isn’t achieved with strenuous effort. It’s the paradoxical mix of focus and letting go that puts me into that zone.

With practice, the skill of entering that state is becoming more and more intuitive to engage. My goal is to abide in it more throughout the day, not just in the space of official meditation. But so far it has been tricky to reconcile it with the need of thinking, talking, and coordinating through all the daily activities.